Reach Out And...

Earlier this week I spoke with my brother, M, who told me that our other biological, loser brother, K, was living with him now and doing construction work. What happened to the pool cleaning business he bought last year? Well, sometime in January, K disappeared for a week. Came back to where he was living, took a shower, and then disappeared for another week. Guess what his pool clients did? Yup, found another pool cleaner. Who loaned him the money to buy the pool cleaning business? My mother… tens of thousands of dollars.

Unfucking believable. I asked M why K didn’t call him up and say that he was going through a rough time and could M take his route for a few days? M had no answer. K did not reach out for help. All I could say is ‘What a shitty human being.’

Now they have all heard me say for years, that K is not mentally fit, that he NEEDS therapy. I have no contact with K, and have not for years, because he does nothing to help himself. My brother M, on the other hand, thinks that this may be just what K needs… to hit rock bottom… so that from here, there is no where else to go but up. My response… How many times has he got to hit rock bottom? Trust me, this isn’t the first. So M’s plan is to have K live with him and when M’s business gets going, to have K work for him and then garnish his wages so that my mom can be paid back. M… the eternal knight in shining armor. Sigh.

So, I called my mom and I was harsh with her, if honesty can be called that. I prefaced what I said by saying, “I am going to speak honestly with you and some of what I have to say you will not like, but someone has to say it. It does not mean that I do not love you anymore or that I’m going to stop speaking to you.” I asked her why she did not tell me about this earlier, as we speak every 2 weeks. She said that she knows that I don’t like to hear about K and she was in shock about it herself for a while. I said to her, “This is not like he got a new girlfriend or moved, THIS IS BIG! You knew I was going to be angry, but that is a given. You want us to have a close relationship, but how close can we be if you are not willing to be honest with me?” She was quiet. She’ll have to digest that one for a while.

I asked her if she knew why she gave K the money. She said yes, that it was partly because of the past and partly because she had M look into it and it looked like a legitimate business that K could do. This one I broke down into two parts. I said, “Yes, you gave K money because you feel guilty about abandoning him when he was 3 years old. (that’s how old he was when my parents divorced and my father got custody of us) You know that he is not mentally fit- that he is not a responsible person, but you did it anyway because the way you deal with your own emotions is through money. You have got to stop dealing with your pain through money. It’s not healthy.”

“You had M look into the business but M is not rational when it comes to K. Both of you are not. Both of you are ‘enablers’ [I had to define what that meant to her] You have helped the sick person, stay sick. He was better off as a busboy at the hotel, where he had health insurance and a boss- some accountability. He has no accountability now, and no insurance. You thought you were helping him, but you made it worse for him. You think you are helping him, but you are not.”

Yeah, I was angry. What gets me is not so much the loss of money, as that is my mothers choice- how she spends her money, but that no one has made K answer “What happened? What they hell were you thinking? Where the hell did you go?” They both have this attitude that K feels bad enough as it is, so don’t burden him with any more questions. And I say Bullshit! He needs to answer these questions, he has to be accountable, at least to my mom whose money he borrowed. If this were all on paper, it would be like she was the legal owner of the business. But... sigh... she won't push it.

She tells me that he gets really bad migraines now. Like that is an excuse. Fuck his migraines. Is he seeking help for those? No. Then she tells me that he is really stubborn and has his own philosophies. Yeah, don't we all. This is who you loaned money to. Do you know how much therapy thousands of dollars can buy? Has anyone asked him if he is on drugs?

I told my mom that I would be telling DJ about this, as a parable, a modern day example of what a shitty human being is.


April 30, 2005	Reach Out And... Earlier this week I spoke with my brother, M, who told me that our other biological, loser brother, K, was living with him now and doing construction work. What happened to the pool cleaning business he bought last year? Well, sometime in January, K disappeared for a week. Came back to where he was living, took a shower, and then disappeared for another week. Guess what his pool clients did? Yup, found another pool cleaner. Who loaned him the money to buy the pool cleaning business? My mother… tens of thousands of dollars. Unfucking believable. I asked M why K didn’t call him up and say that he was going through a rough time and could M take his route for a few days? M had no answer. K did not reach out for help. All I could say is ‘What a shitty human being.’ Now they have all heard me say for years, that K is not mentally fit, that he NEEDS therapy. I have no contact with K, and have not for years, because he does nothing to help himself. My brother M, on the other hand, thinks that this may be just what K needs… to hit rock bottom… so that from here, there is no where else to go but up. My response… How many times has he got to hit rock bottom? Trust me, this isn’t the first. So M’s plan is to have K live with him and when M’s business gets going, to have K work for him and then garnish his wages so that my mom can be paid back. M… the eternal knight in shining armor. Sigh. So, I called my mom and I was harsh with her, if honesty can be called that. I prefaced what I said by saying, “I am going to speak honestly with you and some of what I have to say you will not like, but someone has to say it. It does not mean that I do not love you anymore or that I’m going to stop speaking to you.” I asked her why she did not tell me about this earlier, as we speak every 2 weeks. She said that she knows that I don’t like to hear about K and she was in shock about it herself for a while. I said to her, “This is not like he got a new girlfriend or moved, THIS IS BIG! You knew I was going to be angry, but that is a given. You want us to have a close relationship, but how close can we be if you are not willing to be honest with me?” She was quiet. She’ll have to digest that one for a while. I asked her if she knew why she gave K the money. She said yes, that it was partly because of the past and partly because she had M look into it and it looked like a legitimate business that K could do. This one I broke down into two parts. I said, “Yes, you gave K money because you feel guilty about abandoning him when he was 3 years old. (that’s how old he was when my parents divorced and my father got custody of us) You know that he is not mentally fit- that he is not a responsible person, but you did it anyway because the way you deal with your own emotions is through money. You have got to stop dealing with your pain through money. It’s not healthy.” “You had M look into the business but M is not rational when it comes to K. Both of you are not. Both of you are ‘enablers’ [I had to define what that meant to her] You have helped the sick person, stay sick. He was better off as a busboy at the hotel, where he had health insurance and a boss- some accountability. He has no accountability now, and no insurance. You thought you were helping him, but you made it worse for him. You think you are helping him, but you are not.” Yeah, I was angry. What gets me is not so much the loss of money, as that is my mothers choice- how she spends her money, but that no one has made K answer “What happened? What they hell were you thinking? Where the hell did you go?” They both have this attitude that K feels bad enough as it is, so don’t burden him with any more questions. And I say Bullshit! He needs to answer these questions, he has to be accountable, at least to my mom whose money he borrowed. If this were all on paper, it would be like she was the legal owner of the business. But... sigh... she won't push it. She tells me that he gets really bad migraines now. Like that is an excuse. Fuck his migraines. Is he seeking help for those? No. Then she tells me that he is really stubborn and has his own philosophies. Yeah, don't we all. This is who you loaned money to. Do you know how much therapy thousands of dollars can buy? Has anyone asked him if he is on drugs? I told my mom that I would be telling DJ about this, as a parable, a modern day example of what a shitty human being is.
	© 2005 JoyJoyCafe