Muscle Memory

Ever have one of those dreams in which you wake up inside of them and then start manipulating the hell out of your ethereal universe? They're fun.

I had one last night in which I woke up pregnant. I was about 6-7 months along and I could feel the baby move and feel where it's head was. As I 'woke up' in my dream I was a bit stunned, as I had not felt baby movements for 11 years [with DJ]

I remember thinking to myself, "Oh, you're having one of those lucid dreams, so enjoy it" and I did. It felt great. It was awesome to feel those sensations again. The fluttering in the belly, the kicks, and the various babies' body parts, like head, elbows, and heels. The smoothness of my rotund belly, the fullness in my breasts, the pulsing in my vagina. Even the pressure on my bladder. I remember feeling beautiful and satiated with life.

I also remember thinking to myself whether or not this means anything, like-- I must feel creatively fulfilled-- To which I replied to myself, "No, it does not...just have fun." So I did until it was time to wake up. And when I awoke, there was no angst, or regrets about not being a mama again, nor was there hope to be one. I just took a deep, satisfying, first breath of the day and reveled in how good I felt.