A Great, Sad Day

Today is my birthday. I have lived 37 summers. I am in the best shape of my life and next year, I know I can repeat that statement.

Usually on my birthday I like to think for a few hours straight. Review the past year, current goals, future goals, plans, ideas, etc. A few years ago, I learned that I could combine going to the spa with thinking. I hang out in the steam room then the sauna room, then the steam room, then the sauna room, then the.... And then get a massage. I usually spend at least 4 hours there.

I love it now, though in the past, I never understood what it meant to go to the spa and never identified with women who did. It just seemed like an excessive waste of time and money. About five years ago, I grokked it. I grokked it good. It's all about feeling. Being INTJ, feelings were always a second thought. [lol]

Ever since then, I have committed to going at least once a year with the plan to increase visits [massages] per year. So far, I have been averaging two to three visits per year. This year, timing did not work out, but I will take an afternoon off in September and indulge.

The other thing I do is journal. I have a 'birthday journal' in which I write about the previous year and about the birth year to come. I like to look over the previous years and see how what I wrote came to be. I list the things I would like to have, do and become, encompassing physical stuff, actions and behaviors. I have an ongoing, general list of things to have, do, and become in life, this list specifically, is to be accomplished by next birth year.

The older I get, I notice that time is happening, seemingly quicker. I hate that. It seems to fly by. One of the reasons I enjoy photography is because I feel I have tricked time, by capturing it, on film/disc. I get the feeling that I have stolen a moment's looks and colors that memory alone cannot recreate as vividly for me. It is like cheating time.

This year, I stayed home from work, baked a Pecan Rum Cake, ran some errands, drew up my will, took a nap, made Lobster Bisque with Grilled Asparagus for dinner and journaled, with Royal Kir in hand, [really, I had to get rid of a small bottle of champagne :)]

I also wrote letters to the two people I love the most in life. These letters are to be read posthumously and added to the will. If you have ever done a will, it is a strange undertaking, as you can leave specific instructions as to who gets what. All the small stuff begins to glare of being poignantly pointless.

All in all, on this day of birth, which can only be a reminder that you cheated death one more year, I dealt with my stuff, should I die, and wrote as if I were dead. It was a great, sad day. Sad, as the thought of my death and it's impact on others, made me feel empathetic towards that pain and cry. I don't want to die~ I am clear on that. And a great day, as I finished my will and now in the unlikely event of my death, I have not left a nightmare of probate, estate tax, state tax etc, to my loved ones. A great, sad day.


August 11, 2003	A Great, Sad Day Today is my birthday. I have lived 37 summers. I am in the best shape of my life and next year, I know I can repeat that statement. Usually on my birthday I like to think for a few hours straight. Review the past year, current goals, future goals, plans, ideas, etc. A few years ago, I learned that I could combine going to the spa with thinking. I hang out in the steam room then the sauna room, then the steam room, then the sauna room, then the.... And then get a massage. I usually spend at least 4 hours there. I love it now, though in the past, I never understood what it meant to go to the spa and never identified with women who did. It just seemed like an excessive waste of time and money. About five years ago, I grokked it. I grokked it good. It's all about feeling. Being INTJ, feelings were always a second thought. [lol] Ever since then, I have committed to going at least once a year with the plan to increase visits [massages] per year. So far, I have been averaging two to three visits per year. This year, timing did not work out, but I will take an afternoon off in September and indulge. The other thing I do is journal. I have a 'birthday journal' in which I write about the previous year and about the birth year to come. I like to look over the previous years and see how what I wrote came to be. I list the things I would like to have, do and become, encompassing physical stuff, actions and behaviors. I have an ongoing, general list of things to have, do, and become in life, this list specifically, is to be accomplished by next birth year. The older I get, I notice that time is happening, seemingly quicker. I hate that. It seems to fly by. One of the reasons I enjoy photography is because I feel I have tricked time, by capturing it, on film/disc. I get the feeling that I have stolen a moment's looks and colors that memory alone cannot recreate as vividly for me. It is like cheating time. This year, I stayed home from work, baked a Pecan Rum Cake, ran some errands, drew up my will, took a nap, made Lobster Bisque with Grilled Asparagus for dinner and journaled, with Royal Kir in hand, [really, I had to get rid of a small bottle of champagne :)] I also wrote letters to the two people I love the most in life. These letters are to be read posthumously and added to the will. If you have ever done a will, it is a strange undertaking, as you can leave specific instructions as to who gets what. All the small stuff begins to glare of being poignantly pointless. All in all, on this day of birth, which can only be a reminder that you cheated death one more year, I dealt with my stuff, should I die, and wrote as if I were dead. It was a great, sad day. Sad, as the thought of my death and it's impact on others, made me feel empathetic towards that pain and cry. I don't want to die~ I am clear on that. And a great day, as I finished my will and now in the unlikely event of my death, I have not left a nightmare of probate, estate tax, state tax etc, to my loved ones. A great, sad day.
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